On two chairs

Not long into our marriage, I found out Steve’s family had some old sayings I had never heard. It was funny how I understood them better than he ever had. 

“Home sick in bed on two chairs” was a mystery to him. He knew it meant an illness that wasn’t very serious. It used to be common that a large number of kids shared a room and beds. There wasn’t space to isolate a sick child.  Two chairs might be placed together facing each other as a temporary bed in a living area, often near the only bathroom. I saw this in houses full of cousins when I was a kid. I have been put to bed on two chairs. 

Kid’s small injuries are often treated in mocking ways. Many are familiar with kissing an owie, but Steve’s family might say “Call the penny ambulance!” I think of old cartoons, where the ambulance careens wildly up to throw someone on a stretcher. 

The sting of iodine was common on small cuts when I was young. Worse still was my dad’s folk remedy of mixing gun powder with a bit of milk and applying it to an open wound. In comparison, iodine was tame. I envied my friends who got a squirt of Bactine. After a bit of first aid, I might be told not to be a baby. Steve was told “It’ll be a pig’s foot in the morning.”

I was steamed for breathing problems that were likely allergy related asthma. I was given tea and toast after a stomach flu. My brother was prescribed a weekly meal of liver for anemia. The only vaccines that were offered were smallpox and, eventually, polio. I have known people scarred or crippled.

So, I’m home sick on two chairs. I have a cold, not a terribly serious one. I’m glad that I have received every vaccine made available to me. I used to get bad bronchitis every few years before I started getting flu shots. 

I'm not trying to get political here, really. It just seems strange to me that ongoing research and vaccines has been made political. I like telling these old stories, but I wouldn’t want to live them. Maybe you have to have experienced the level of poverty that comes without plumbing and basic healthcare to appreciate it. 

What kind of old family phrases or healing practices did you grow up with? Drop me a comment. Take care of each other. Tell the old stories.