Birthday blues

1956

 

I was born in the middle of July. That causes a problem with birthday parties for a kid. It is far enough from the end of school that it is hard to invite a lot of friends. Also, a lot of people go on vacation. My parents rarely welcomed visitors other than relatives, and we didn’t have much parking, anyway. So I didn’t have many parties, and the few I had didn’t go well.  

Like my 5th birthday. My mom actually planned one. A beach trip with my new friends after we moved to Topanga. We carpooled down to Will Rogers State Beach. Oh, the joy! We cavorted! Dancing in and out of the edge of sand and waves with the squeals and giggles only little girls can manage. As we adjusted to the water, a few dared wading in deeper. Then a scream! Lila’s older sister was stung by a jelly fish. The cars reloaded and we headed home in tears. No sandwiches eaten. No cake. Everyone scattered to their own homes. I had some presents to open and leftovers, but the party was over. 

My next attempt at a party was my 10th, and only because a few pushy friends decided I had to have one. They planned it and forced it on my mom. I baked the cake. My best friends were out of town. My only memory is a few kids running around the back back yard shooting me with toy bows and arrows. 

On my 13th birthday I planned a tea party for my 3 best friends. I found recipes and baked. I set up my mom’s tea set from England with a nice tablecloth and we had a lovely little tea. My friends were bored, I was tired. And hot tea in the middle of July was not a winner. 

My 18th was a bit of a deal. I was about halfway through my pregnancy and we had just moved into a pretty decent apartment. That was the legal drinking age in Florida at the time, and no one worried about alcohol during pregnancy then. That explains why someone brought a bottle of champagne. I had a bit but was not a fan. My new sister in law baked me the best scratch chocolate cake I have ever tasted. And I received one of my best gifts ever, a bunch of mixed embroidery supplies. It was really wonderful, right?

My friend Melanie brought over someone with a toddler to meat me. She thought we would have a lot in common, she said. As the day turned towards evening, I was told oh, yeah. Bob had agreed that I would watch the toddler overnight. For a stranger who was going out on the town. In the days before mobile phones. 

The mom didn’t come back for 3 days. 

We didn’t have a phone in the apartment. I had almost convinced Bob to go to the manager’s office to call the police when the mom finally came back to claim the kid. Everyone was surprised I got upset. 

I have only had a handful of parties since, and most equally disappointing or horrible. There have been a few fun celebrations, but none of those have ever been traditional parties. On my 60th, Disneyland and I had a yearlong celebration. I and a lot of my family members got annual passes. I may be 4 days older, but when you celebrate all year, who cares. 

Usually 65 is significant. This big milestone happened the year Covid hit. Not only did I have no celebration, there was also no celebration of my retirement. These milestones slipped by under the crushing fear of that summer. 

For close to a decade now I have appreciated Quaker teachings. One idea is that each day is sacred and equally worthy of celebration. I love conversations, shared experiences, and caring expressions. I do not enjoy crowds or noise. I’m uncomfortable being the center of attention. I really don’t need the clutter of gifts only given out of a feeling of obligation. 

On Sunday I will be 70. I will admit I never thought I would get this old. It has been a difficult and complicated year. I am in a recovery process from significant dental work. This means I’m not comfortable going out for a special meal, or even really eating in company. I had a small outing planned, before the dental issue came up. I’m sad to miss it. 

So here is my biggest wish. I wish us all a better year going forward. Always look for the truth, it is seeming pretty illusive out in the world right now. And hey, if you have a chance, how about telling a good story. We all need the deeper truths that linger there.

 

2023